I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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