We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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