i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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