I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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