I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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