you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
