I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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