Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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