I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
