One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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