We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
