lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
