you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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