I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
