Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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