pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
