Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Actions speak louder than pants.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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