foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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