so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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