Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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