i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
bring money and cleavage
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
