i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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