I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
