This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
