Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
