Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
