Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
