You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
