I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So vagazzling was a success
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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