we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
