at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
