somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
