just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
