just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
