well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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