Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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