We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
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