Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
