thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
