Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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