Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
