how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
