i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
