her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't put those talents on a resume
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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