i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
