so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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