that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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