I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
