Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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