I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
