If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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