I think I won the penis lottery.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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