you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
