Your tits are I can't wait for
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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