Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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