i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
