Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have already put on my inside pants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
