You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
