put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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