dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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