Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
