Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
