I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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